Deep Down
by E-Dubs13
Summary: A simple two-shot about how I think Holly J felt during the scenes of her and Declan at the end of 'Love Lockdown Part 1' & the beginning of 'Love Lockdown Part 2' Hope you read, review and enjoy!
1. Love Lockdown Part 1

**Author's Note****; Most of us saw Degrassi; Love Lockdown and the end was confusing, I admit that. Some people think Declan raped Holly J but he clearly didn't. She may have said "no" or "this isn't right" but she could of EASILY pushed him off and left but you see she didn't, so part of her must of wanted to. **

_**Disclaimer; I DO NOT own Degrassi. I usually don't have disclaimers but in this I'm going to quote Degrassi a lot so yes. I sure wish I owned Degraasi for many reasons **_

_**1.)Holly J would have wanted Declan and would be with him **_

_**2.)Holly J and Declan would be the power couple of the school and **__**nothing**__** could ruin them**_

_**3.)Chantay would have been dramatically killed her first appearance. **_

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**_Deep Down ; A one-shot on Holly J's feelings and thoughts on what happened between her and Declan at the party._**

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_His cool fingers graced upon my shoulder, down my back and through my hair. I nearly jumped at his touch. His lips danced up my shoulder and to my neck. Tears burned in my eyes; making my vision blurry. Making me not able to see what was happening, I felt confused, over-whelmed, and smothered but I like that feeling, I liked it so much that I didn't leave._

_"I thought we agreed this wasn't going to happen" I said half-heart attempting to get away as his lips contuniedly moved up to my neck. His breath was hot and when it hit the black pearl necklace on me, I nearly jumped out of my skin of the two temperatures clashing together._

_"No" I said, my voice cracking slightly_

_That simple word slipped out of my mouth and right now from my view it seemed as if it changed everything from that point. _

_"We shouldn't be doing this," I said hoarsely feeling the heat between us rise. Memories and thoughts and **feelings **came back. I couldn't decided; did I want this? or would I just regret it?_

_"c'mon" he gentle voice whispered in my ear and soaked into my brain, he draped my hair on my back. "This is right" he told me but was it? _

_Was Sav really worth cheating on, was doing this with Declan really what I wanted. The thing is I couldn't decide. With everything that had happened I didn't know where my true feelings were or what they were. I didn't know what love was, after everything I became one of them. _

_One of those girls who were crazy for loved, they died to have someone that made the feel special and in everyway that was Declan. He lit up a room when he walked in and made my heart rate rise till I felt as if my heart would jump out of my chest any moment and I loved him I truly loved him._

_With Sav I felt dangerous like I was disobeying everything and everyone, I told myself it was wrong. I did, a thousand times but not even a strong willed girl like me could restrain me from wanting Sav. He made me feel happy and giddy and loved and at this very moment as Declan is throwing himself at me I realize that I only wanted Sav because deep down I saw a Declan in him. _

_"You know it is" my chest ached brutally. It was moving up and down rapidly as Declan leaned his head on mine and touched my shoulders and whispered into my ear._

_He was right, I knew it was right deep down I knew. But for some reason I couldn't pull myself to tell him that and I couldn't pull myself to leave. I felt glued to the couch and nothing could set me free._

_"Please?" his needy voice asked moving my hair away from my face "I love you" he laughed softly kissing my neck again. _

_'**& I love you' **I said inside, my feelings were found again. I loved Declan, I knew it, he knew it and even Sav knew it so why did I go through all this trouble to figure that out? _

_Why you ask? Because I asked for it back in the day I was a bitch; a hardcore B-I-C-T-H. This was simply karma coming to bite me in the ass. _

_His hand graced my cheek and turned me to face him as he slowly leaned in. My breathing picked up and I felt as if I breathed any longer, my chest would explode. I felt the urge to leave but I couldn't bring myself to because feelings came back and they sure got the best of me._

_His expression was filled with need, I felt remorseful that I ended it that I was with Sav when I saw his deep blue eyes staring into mine. His lips graced mine or did mine grace his? We met in the middle; yes that's what happened; _

_I kissed him because deep down **I **wanted to. _

_I had lunch with him because deep down **I **wanted to _

_I went to the party because deep down **I** wanted to_

_I comforted him because deep down **I** wanted to _

_I allowed him to throw himself at me because deep down **I** wanted to _

_I let him kiss me and I kissed him back because **I **wanted to _

_I slept with him because deep down **I **wanted to_

_Deep down I wanted this all; deep down **I **wanted Declan; even deeper down **I **would regret this; and even deeper down than that **I **didn't care_

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**The End ****.**

**All though many of you might not agree with what Holly J was feeling but this is how I saw it, so I wrote it. But feel free to tell me what you thought went through Holly J's head (what she felt or who she felt for) or even Declan's for all I care. This is and will remain a one-shot! Sorry but I see no potential for this to become a story. Review Review Review like there is no tomorrow though (:**

**Much Love, DeclanL0ver13**


	2. Love Lockdown Part 2

**_Author's Note; Most of us saw Degrassi; Love Lockdown and the end was confusing, I admit that. Some people think Declan raped Holly J but he clearly didn't. She may have said "no" or "this isn't right" but she could of EASILY pushed him off and left but you see she didn't, so part of her must of wanted to. _**

**_Disclaimer; I DO NOT own Degrassi. I usually don't have disclaimers but in this I'm going to quote Degrassi a lot so yes. I sure wish I owned Degrassi for many reasons _**

**_1.)Holly J would be with Declan, not thinking about their relationship._**

**_2.)Holly J and Declan would be the power couple of the school and nothing could ruin them_**

**_3.)Chantay would have been dramatically killed her first appearance. (I actually liked her plot this episode! OMG HELP ME)_**

_Deep Down; A one-shot on Holly J's feelings and thoughts on what happened between her and Declan after doing the nasty._

I zipped up my dress and pushed the hair off my shoulders

"Can't stay a little longer?" Declan asked still shirtless

'Of course' I thought. It's not that I didn't want to stay or go but

if I stayed it would block all the guilt from filling my body from cheating. As much as I love Declan it still felt wrong cheating on 'my boyfriend Sav' if that's what I should call him. He won't be my boyfriend for long till he finds out about Declan.

"Have you seen my shoe" I asked smiling slightly and preparing my

necklace to be put on. I honestly had no clue if my smiled was fake or real. He searched till he shot a charming smile at me and handed me my high heel. I felt good I felt happy till Sav floated back into my mind.

"you sure your curfew can't be half an hour later" he asked as neediness and pleading mixed Into his voice

A _simple_ yes was all I would have to say but I couldn't work myself too.

"I already called a cab" very smooth Holly J; well it was true. "this has been one amazing night." he smiled "first the theater awards we reconnect"

I mentally froze... And gulped down as he said reconnected like in boyfriend and girlfriend again because I don't think that would fly with Sav. He took my hands in his warm gentle grasp "I miss being close with you again"

Oh yea me to that's why I'm with Sav I really wanted to say. I thought and I realized it was true. Sav was my warm body till Declan came back. I used him I cheated on him I am a terrible person. He kissed my hand as it was still held in his grasp firmly.

"cabs probably downstairs" I smiled as much as I felt conflicted I felt good...for now.

"see you tomorrow" he said but it should of been a question

I froze did I really want to face Sav because it would be pretty obvious if Declan was all over me that something happened between us

"yea" I stated "of course"

He pulled me into a tight hug probably smiling like a baboon over my shoulder. A million thoughts ran through my head I had no clue who I wanted and if I really wanted anyone. I sighed hoping that it would all be over. I pushed my wild hair out of my face and grabbed my hand wallet and jacket still smiling and still not knowing if it was real or fake

All you could hear were my heels clicking on the floors of Fiona's condo. My smile quickly faded as I got closer to the door because the feeling of guilt flooded my body and I felt terrible so terrible I could puke. I leaned against the stone wall and breathed in deeply I just cheated on Sav with my ex and I liked it...at least I think i did. The tears burned my eyes as I kept them from falling as I proceeded out to my cab.


End file.
